How a 'kingdom kid' found her way back to God

Vida Li Sik • May 10, 2021

She grew up in the church and, after tasting what the world offers, found her way back home. Candice Butler shares her story:

Candice in the US with the twins and her friend Heather (top left)

Candice in the US with the twins and her friend Heather (top left)

“My story with God began as a 'kingdom kid' in the East Region of the Johannesburg Church of Christ. I loved being there. I have the fondest memories of Monja Delport who invested in me, and loved me. She made me feel seen and safe, even though I was an awkward little girl. I loved being the flower girl at her wedding. When I was nine, my family left the church, but I stayed connected through my Uncle Paul and Aunt Jacqui Smith. I spent my holidays with them, doing family devotionals, or accompanying them as they fulfilled their church-related responsibilities. Watching how they lived created a desire in me to also be in the ministry one day.


A fruitless search

As time went on, I silenced those desires. The world became my oyster. At 15, clubbing, smoking hub, and marijuana, became rituals that fuelled destructive behaviour. I felt lonely, angry, and utterly broken. I gave myself to the world, but the more I gave, the emptier I felt. I looked for my belonging in men to fill the gaping hole in my heart. But it left me feeling void of purpose. I prayed to God, hoping that he could fill it, but knew that I was separated from Him because of the way I chose to live. I realised if I continued on that journey, I’d ultimately destroy myself.


Getting back to God

I decided to go back to church, and when I saw Monja again, I still felt loved, and seen, even though many years had passed. We started studying the Bible. It was exceptional how her love for me made such a massive contribution in me finding God. She loved me in such a beautiful way, but I still battled with the idea that I could be worthy of God’s love.


The night before my baptism, I was at a church family camp. In my tent, under a tree, I poured my heart out to God with loud cries, begging him for a sign that He loved, and wouldn’t abandon me as I chose to give my life to him.  As my tears dried, I opened my eyes, and there was a street light shining over the tent in the shape of a perfect heart. It stretched out and covered the entire tent. I knew then that I could trust a God that planted a tree and moulded every branch and leaf to comfort me at that moment. I was baptised on 18 October 2015 at the age of 18.



The power of community
I wish I could say that I never questioned His love after that, but the next three years were filled with hills and valleys, beautiful highs, and awful lows. I’m so thankful that I was in the East Region of the Joburg church. Inspiring and spiritual women surrounded, loved, and helped me grasp God’s love, notably Nekecia Van Niekerk and Lesego Parkies. 

Another person who inspired the next stage in my life was Emma Bouah (a member of the Cape Town church), who went to the US through an au pair agency. I caught a glimpse of the independence she established and how she flourished. I always wanted to travel and deepen my identity as she did. 

Spreading my wings
So I applied to become an au pair (a live-in nanny) in the US. One fantastic tool was the church locator on the Disciples Today website. I only interviewed families close to a church, and shared my convictions with them. God generously gave me a host family with beautiful twin girls. My host family supported my beliefs and devotion to the church. My host mom, Allison, welcomed me with so much warmth and love. She was intentional and considerate, making my room feel like a home away from home, and supported me in many different ways. This family was an incredible blessing to me.

I became more involved in the Metro Region in Boston. For the first time, no one could make me attend church or serve, it was all my choice, and I found freedom in emotionally stepping out of the shadow of being a kingdom kid. I became independent spiritually, in my own identity. My friendships deepened and I wanted this life as a disciple more than ever. My love for the ministry grew. I was involved in many Bible studies and baptised my best friend Heather Benoit, led a small group, and became a member of SCUAD (Social, cultural, unity, and diversity team) in my region.

Grasping my dream
In 2021, my incredible spiritual mentor, Carrie Travis, asked me if I’d ever felt called to the ministry. It has always been my dream, but I’m plagued with a constant wrestle with self-worth; I am a massively guilty soul. I said I would pray about it, and then shared my dream with my ministry leader Scarlette Van Auken, who encouraged and supported this dream. She was such an incredible cheerleader and, in many ways, still helps me before I even ask.

I applied for the 15-month international internship with the Beam Missions Foundation's “Chance of a Lifetime” programme. With great joy and excitement, I was accepted into the programme that partners with Camp Hope for Kids in Philadelphia. I will spend three months at camp, nine months training in Boston, and then intern on an overseas mission team for three months. 

God has taken me on a remarkable journey to grapple with my insecurities. He’s shown me through His many blessings that He’s holding my hand through it all. My application has come with its challenges; even writing this is difficult, and it feels frightening as I am in the process of finalising the changes of my new visa status. Please pray for me to see how faithful God is even in the midst of uncertainty."

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